Unresolved loss
Coping with a the loss
of a pet that did not
come home
Books to help
A book for children |
Pet loss and pet grief
If you are feeling overwhelmed by
the grief of the loss, or anticipated loss of a
pet, here are some resources to
help you...
As with when our human family or friends die, grief over a pet can
hit us hard. We can grieve very deeply when a beloved pet dies, or is
dying, or is possibly "lost" and never found (an
unresolved loss). As they say, "the more you love, the more you
grieve..."
It's quite normal to grieve for a pet. It is a loss. The loss will
be more keenly felt the stronger the relationship you had with your pet.
Pets may literally be our substitute children ("fur children")
especially if you have no human children. They may be our very close
companions if we live alone. And they may be best friends to our
children. So pets are a important part of our family.
There can be impacts across the family in different ways as we as
adults/parents deal with it as well as the children in the family. The
death of a family pet is often the first real grief loss children will
experience in their life.
It can also be difficult dealing with terminal illness and possible
euthanasia of your beloved pet.
Sometimes insensitive people will not understand why you are so
upset over "just a pet". It's important to know that your grief and pain
is normal and thousands of people in NZ every year experience this too
when their much loved pet "crosses the
Rainbow Bridge".
People often take time off work as they are so upset. Sometimes they can
feel depressed, anxious or angry. So it's important to acknowledge your
pain, loss and grief and "go through it/with it" as much as you can,
rather than try to "keep going", "put on a brave face" and avoid
thinking about it...This can lead to further problems down the track...
Talking with someone may help. A grief counsellor, especially a pet
grief counsellor, can help you work your way through the grief journey.
There are also several
books on the subject
that may help..
People and services who can help...
For more information see our Pet Services Directory for
Pet Grief Counselling
Pet Rites and Pet
Funerals
Memorials, Burial and
Cremation.
Online pet grief Support
NZ's e-memorial garden for pets, poems
and prayers
Animals in our Hearts - comfort and support
Books about pet related
grief
New Zealand pet
Grief support book,
by NZ pet grief specialist, Kathy Landsman
- highly recommended booklet, reasonably priced, yet packed with
helpful NZ information including
> Anticipation of loss
> Euthanasia
> Final arrangements
> The grief process
> Denial, shock, anger and acceptance
> Adjusting
> Helping a child
> Cherishing your memories
> Getting another pet etc
Goodbye Mog
A
beautiful book we recommend to help children grieving the loss of a pet
Cleo: How an Uppity Cat Helped Heal a Family
NZ best seller, highly recommended by petsonthenet. Novel based on a
true story, a real roller coaster, but so uplifting, beautifully written
and "real".
How to Roar: Pet Loss Grief Recovery
A workbook to guide you on your journey.
Animals and the Afterlife: True Stories of Our Best Friends' Journey Beyond Death
Saying Goodbye to Your Angel Animals: Finding Comfort After Losing Your Pet
When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing
Unresolved Loss - when your pet does not come home
I often hear people suffering from unresolved loss say that it is
harder to cope as you do not "know". You don't know if, or when to
 grieve,
or when to give up hope and accept a pet is not coming home again.
Some people give up far too soon, some people torture themselves
looking at all costs for years (and occasionally they do find their
pet). It is hard to know when to stop looking so you can get some
closure and move forward with your life.
People with unresolved pet loss may experience distressing
nightmares, poor sleeping, crying, feeling disconnected or stopped -
unable to get on with their life until something "happens". You may
over eat or under eat. You may feel like not working as you're
depressed and/or tearful. A counsellor could help you deal with
these feelings before there becomes a need for further intervention
such as medication.
You could feel paranoid and start to imagine crazy theories. You
might think your pet was stolen (highly unlikely in NZ) or view each
passing dog with suspicion that they ate or hurt your missing pet.
Sometimes grabbing on to one "theory" can be dangerous as
you may stop
checking out "all" the options.For example if you become
convinced your pet was stolen whereas in
reality, it had simply strayed, you may not check the obvious places
for a lost stray such as the SPCA or pound - and miss finding your
pet...A lot of people think their
pets were stolen, yet this is very rare in our experience,
especially with cats.
Our checklists will help ensure you do
EVERYTHING you can, especially in the first days and weeks. Do not
wait and see, try not to sit on the couch crying all day and
therefore doing nothing. Work through each step in the checklist, so
you know you have done all that you can possibly do. You may well
find your pet and * if * you don't, then you will not be kicking
yourself further down the track "if only I had done "x"..."
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