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 Pet Loss and Pet Related Grief  

Unresolved loss
Coping with a the loss
of a pet that did not
come home

Books to help


A book for children
Pet loss and pet grief
If you are feeling overwhelmed by the grief of the loss, or anticipated loss of a pet, here are some resources to help you...

As with when our human family or friends die, grief over a pet can hit us hard. We can grieve very deeply when a beloved pet dies, or is dying, or is possibly "lost" and never found (an unresolved loss). As they say, "the more you love, the more you grieve..."

It's quite normal to grieve for a pet. It is a loss. The loss will be more keenly felt the stronger the relationship you had with your pet. Pets may literally be our substitute children ("fur children") especially if you have no human children. They may be our very close companions if we live alone. And they may be best friends to our children. So pets are a important part of our family.


There can be impacts across the family in different ways as we as adults/parents deal with it as well as the children in the family. The death of a family pet is often the first real grief loss children will experience in their life.

It can also be difficult dealing with terminal illness and possible euthanasia of your beloved pet.

Sometimes insensitive people will not understand why you are so upset over "just a pet". It's important to know that your grief and pain is normal and thousands of people in NZ every year experience this too when their much loved pet "crosses the Rainbow Bridge". People often take time off work as they are so upset. Sometimes they can feel depressed, anxious or angry. So it's important to acknowledge your pain, loss and grief and "go through it/with it" as much as you can, rather than try to "keep going", "put on a brave face" and avoid thinking about it...This can lead to further problems down the track...

Talking with someone may help. A grief counsellor, especially a pet grief counsellor, can help you work your way through the grief journey. There are also several books on the subject that may help..


People and services who can help...
For more information see our Pet Services Directory for
Pet Grief Counselling
Pet Rites and Pet Funerals
Memorials, Burial and Cremation.


Online pet grief Support
NZ's e-memorial garden for pets, poems and prayers
Animals in our Hearts - comfort and support



Books about pet related grief
Click here for more information on this booklet and to order New Zealand pet Grief support book,
 by NZ pet grief specialist, Kathy Landsman
 - highly recommended booklet, reasonably priced, yet packed with helpful NZ information including
> Anticipation of loss
> Euthanasia
> Final arrangements
> The grief process
> Denial, shock, anger and acceptance
> Adjusting
> Helping a child
> Cherishing your memories
> Getting another pet etc
 



Goodbye Mog
Goodbye Mog
 A beautiful book we recommend to help children grieving the loss of a pet


Cleo: How an Uppity Cat Helped Heal a Family
Cleo: How an Uppity Cat Helped Heal a Family
NZ best seller, highly recommended by petsonthenet. Novel based on a true story, a real roller coaster, but so uplifting, beautifully written and "real".


How to Roar: Pet Loss Grief Recovery
How to Roar: Pet Loss Grief Recovery
A workbook to guide you on your journey.


Animals and the Afterlife: True Stories of Our Best Friends' Journey Beyond Death
Animals and the Afterlife: True Stories of Our Best Friends' Journey Beyond Death


Saying Goodbye to Your Angel Animals: Finding Comfort After Losing Your Pet
Saying Goodbye to Your Angel Animals: Finding Comfort After Losing Your Pet

When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing
When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing


Unresolved Loss - when your pet does not come home
I often hear people suffering from unresolved loss say that it is harder to cope as you do not "know". You don't know if, or when to Click through for a comforting poem for lost pets by Kerri Marshgrieve, or when to give up hope and accept a pet is not coming home again.

Some people give up far too soon, some people torture themselves looking at all costs for years (and occasionally they do find their pet). It is hard to know when to stop looking so you can get some closure and move forward with your life.

People with unresolved pet loss may experience distressing nightmares, poor sleeping, crying, feeling disconnected or stopped - unable to get on with their life until something "happens". You may over eat or under eat. You may feel like not working as you're depressed and/or tearful. A counsellor could help you deal with these feelings before there becomes a need for further intervention such as medication.

You could feel paranoid and start to imagine crazy theories. You might think your pet was stolen (highly unlikely in NZ) or view each passing dog with suspicion that they ate or hurt your missing pet. Sometimes grabbing on to one "theory" can be dangerous as you may stop checking out "all" the options.For example if you become convinced your pet was stolen whereas in reality, it had simply strayed, you may not check the obvious places for a lost stray such as the SPCA or pound - and miss finding your pet...A lot of people think their pets were stolen, yet this is very rare in our experience, especially with cats.

Our checklists will help ensure you do EVERYTHING you can, especially in the first days and weeks. Do not wait and see, try not to sit on the couch crying all day and therefore doing nothing. Work through each step in the checklist, so you know you have done all that you can possibly do. You may well find your pet and * if * you don't, then you will not be kicking yourself further down the track "if only I had done "x"..."

 


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Half a day left
& Whole and Well
Pet loss and grief related poems

 

Books  
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Cesar's Rules
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"The Natural Way to a
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The Dog Listener
  The Dog Listener: Learning the Language of Your Best Friend
 

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